Having Another Child

Salam all...

Hmm.. When I was alone sitting & thinking about life, I always thinking of having another baby. I do love kids so much, but having kids is not just 1 person thing. It has to be both parents decision. Hmm.. Maybe before this I was thinking that I will give birth until I reach 40. But now, looking at the situation, lifestyle.. I am so sad to say that I would not be able to have another (although I am proved to be fertile).. 😔 Sad..

After having Idris, all the responsibilities of the marriage, kids, my studies, my parents, my work is on me. My husband is a very good person but his working environment & timing is so tough for him. He has to work whenever needed & he is so responsible to his work. Frankly speaking I thought he's been used by the irresponsible person. So, from time to time I have been helping with everything other than his work, he became a bit lazy... Let everything handle by me. With idris just turned 9 months, I just started school for 3 months with bunch of assignments, thesis, work load plus house thing, I become so stress & easily pissed off. I am not happy for who I am now. But I can't get rid of it. It's my life, my kids, my marriage...

My husband is not even close to this kind of guy before. I prayed a lot, hoping things change. But I am still hoping. I can't bear all this alone. Pity the kids who have to suffer together with me..

So I can't be selfish.. I can't have another child now.. 😔

I love my husband... 💕

Bayar Hutang Orang... So Call.... Ex-husband :-p

Actually tak tau la nak bubuh tajuk apa untuk entri ni. Entri kali ni more pada meluahkan isi hati je. Before this i was a single mom. Last 2 years to be exact. My husband & i will celebrate our 2nd anniversary this coming 6th February, excitedly with Irfan & our 8 months old baby Idris Iddin. That's the best part... Hugs & love for them.

So, cerita dia pasal my 1st marriage. Bukan nak mengingat, trust me! Kalau boleh tanam, nak tanam je semua yg penah jadik. Kisahnya, bila terpaksa menanggung hutang piutang ex husband padahal ex husband tak bayar nafkah anak (kalau bayar pun ikut suka dia bila & berapa) & tak penah bayar hutang² dia dgn my parents.... Hmm... sedih kan? Siapa yg menanggung bahana akibat perceraian? Perempuan atau lelaki? Tak tentu jugak, ada je perempuan yg tak boleh pakai, i admit...tak la nak backing pompuan je. 

So this call that i received since end of December 2017 from HLBB regarding a credit card under my name which he used! Actually after cerai pun dia ada buat hutang AEON Credit & guna nama i as a guarantor. Tak baik kan? Dia jugak buat kan i tak layak dapat Br1m sejak tahun pertama bercerai sebab dia tak declare kami dah bercerai atas alasan nanti jumlah Br1m yang dia dapat...sikit..??? Selfish. Kalau dia bujang, dia hanya dapat less amount so dia declare yg dia masih berkahwin. Itu yang LHDN bagitau i! Bukan la bagitau cmgtu, dia bagitau yg i tak layak dapat Br1m disebabkan husband masih belum submit surat cerai..??? What? Padahal i dah submit dah masa permohonan. Penindasan lagi di situ. 

So this officer dari agent yg HLBB appoint utk collect hutang ni call & bagitau yg hutang dah jadik RM8000+. Huh...ok. I dah penah bayar dah card tu about years ago. I bayar RM100/month. But then i got pregnant (alhamdulillah syukur) & resign from work so tak menjana income, i stop paying. It's my fault (if it is) walaupun i tak pernah nampak & guna card tu. But i take it as my fault sbb i dah janji dgn officer HLBB yg sebelum ni akan setelkan semua. So now interest increased dgn jayanya. RM8000 kena bayar. So atas sebab tanggungjawab, sebab dia guna nama i, i need to settle semua lah. I start untuk bincang semula payment scheme. But yes, i start rasa terbeban & geram & stress. It's not fair for my husband u see. He's a good guy, take care of me & the kids.

Selama ni i memang redha & let go je apa yg dah jadi. I selalu fikir yg benda jadi ada sebab & mesti ada good reason. I even tutup kes tuntutan nafkah Irfan sebab my husband now ask me to. Tak nak la dah remarried, mula hidup baru pun masih lagi menuntut benda lama. Walaupun i kena tanggung semua sendiri,i just redha. I fikir takkan lah Allah nak susahkan org yg cuba utk melunaskan tanggungjawabnya pada anak sendiri kan? And sampai sekarang dah 5 tahun i tanggung Irfan, alhamdulillah rezeki tak la putus. Alhamdulillah. But then bila tak sudah sudah my ex husband buat masalah,i jadi geram & stress. Fikiran i start nak buka kes semula pasal tuntutan nafkah Irfan. Sebab? Rasa melampau sgt. Dah la nafkah anak tak, I kena tanggung hutang dia lagi? Tu tak masuk lagi yg I tak layan. Betul² geram. Bila call mahkamah syariah tanya, suruh pegi shah Alam la, biro itu, biro ini. Dah terang² kot dia tak bagi nafkah anak, duit sekolah,duit perayaan. Semua tu ada dalam so call 'Perintah Mahkamah'. And still tak cukup? So uols,ingat...bila bercerai (minta dijauhkan), perempuan memang susah. Nampak kat mata orang mcm teruk. Tuntut itu ini... Penindasan kah?

Stress...