Salam all...
Hmm.. When I was alone sitting & thinking about life, I always thinking of having another baby. I do love kids so much, but having kids is not just 1 person thing. It has to be both parents decision. Hmm.. Maybe before this I was thinking that I will give birth until I reach 40. But now, looking at the situation, lifestyle.. I am so sad to say that I would not be able to have another (although I am proved to be fertile).. 😔 Sad..
After having Idris, all the responsibilities of the marriage, kids, my studies, my parents, my work is on me. My husband is a very good person but his working environment & timing is so tough for him. He has to work whenever needed & he is so responsible to his work. Frankly speaking I thought he's been used by the irresponsible person. So, from time to time I have been helping with everything other than his work, he became a bit lazy... Let everything handle by me. With idris just turned 9 months, I just started school for 3 months with bunch of assignments, thesis, work load plus house thing, I become so stress & easily pissed off. I am not happy for who I am now. But I can't get rid of it. It's my life, my kids, my marriage...
My husband is not even close to this kind of guy before. I prayed a lot, hoping things change. But I am still hoping. I can't bear all this alone. Pity the kids who have to suffer together with me..
So I can't be selfish.. I can't have another child now.. 😔
I love my husband... 💕
